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 CaribbeanChoice : General Discussion : Fun & Humor
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saajida
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Quote saajida Replybullet Topic: must read
    Posted: 19 June 2007 at 5:27pm
LOL

HOW WAS your Father's Day yesterday?

If you were lucky, your children showed you loving appreciation. Maybe even bought you the inevitable pair of socks, a cheesy tie, or took you out for lunch or dinner.

But if nobody even remembered to tell you "Happy Father's Day", be happy. Don't worry. I am giving you some jokes in today's column to make you smile.

Lights out

A couple was happily married for 15 years with three children: 14, eight and three.

The wife thought their sex life was awesome. Five nights a week, they would make passionate love. But she was a little peeved with her hubby's insistence that he wanted the lights out every time.

So one night when he was going hard at it, she switched on the bedside lamp, and saw him holding a huge, realistic vibrator.

She jumped up and screamed: "Can you explain this?!"

"Yes, dear, I can explain the vibrator. Can you explain the three children?!"

Not cricket

Little Billy was at school one morning when teacher asked all the children to tell the class what their fathers did for a living.

When it was his turn he said: "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club. He takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he will go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and sleep with him."

The teacher quickly distracted the other children with some work and took Billy aside and asked him if he had spoken the truth.

"No, ma'am," he said. "He plays cricket for the West Indies but I was just too embarrassed to admit that!"

The phone call

Riiinnngg . . . rrrriiinngg

"Hello?"

"Hi, honey. This is daddy. Is mummy near the phone?"

"No, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Bob."

After a brief pause daddy says: "But, honey, you don't have an Uncle Bob."

"Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mummy right now."

"Uh. Okay then. This is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to mummy that daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay, daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone: "I did it, daddy."

"And what happened, honey?"

"Well, mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser, and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God! What about your Uncle Bob?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

Very, very, long pause.

Then daddy says: "Swimming pool? Is this 430-5495?"

"No, I think you have the wrong number."

saajida rashad
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saajida
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Quote saajida Replybullet Posted: 19 June 2007 at 5:34pm
Women when furious

BY ROBER BEST

SINCE THE CASE involving John Wayne Bobitt back in the early 1990s, when his ... was severed by his wife who claimed he was cheating on her and had frustrated her by leaving her unfulfilled in their sexual romps, a few other cases, grounded in sexual frustration, have made headlines. One such case surfaced last week.

Monti Amanda, 24, a woman in England, ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands when she flew into a rage because he rejected her advances at the end of a house party.

The boyfriend, Geoffrey Jones, 37, said Monti grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard", causing his underpants to come off "and I found myself completely naked and in excruciating pain". That was not all.

A friend told the Liverpool Crown Court that he saw Monti put Jones' testicle in her mouth and after failing to swallow it, spat it back into her hand. It was then that the friend grabbed it from her and gave it back to Jones, saying: "That's yours."

It will be recalled in Bobbit's case that the doctors were able to reattach his ... after it was retrieved by police who had searched diligently for it after his wife had driven off with it and had thrown it through the car window.

Jones had no such luck with his testicle.

Another dissimilarity in the Jones case is that while Lorena Bobitt was not jailed for "bobbing" her husband, Monti was sent to jail for two-and-a-half years for what the judge described as "a very serious injury", adding that Monti was not acting in self-defence.

Lorena Bobbit managed to avoid prison. The court accepted the defence offered that it was her husband's behaviour that had triggered in her a post-traumatic stress disorder which manifested itself in temporary insanity on the night of the incident.

Monti was not able to mount any such defence but in a letter to the court, she said she was sorry for what she had done to Jones, adding: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent woman". She said she just could not explain or remember what had happened.

It was a case of her anger taking over when the ex-boyfriend refused to be intimate with her. It often happens between lovers who are current or "ex" and while the level of violence displayed in this case might not be reached, strong words, if not strong blows, might even be passed. Not all partners or lovers accept that the other has a right to say "no".

At the same time, in our culture, while it is becoming accepted that a woman has the right to say "no", the man involved could still find himself the subject of ridicule once word got out that he refused "to give the woman what she wanted". He could even become a laughing stock.

Jones and Monti had been lovers for a long time but then drifted into what was termed "an open relationship" towards the end of last May. It was at a party last month that the two met up and eventually ended up at his house with friends for more drinks.

It might well be that the familiar setting evoked romantic feelings and memories where Monti was concerned and for old times' sake, she wanted to get groovy. It is easy to understand that a woman "who is in no way a violent person", could become angry if rejected when she found herself in familiar territory.

Now left with one testicle, it is possible that Jones might reflect that "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" and to have "given in", he could have spared himself much grief. But then that could imply that a man does not have the right to say "no", even though he might face the hardship of losing his testicle in proving his point.

* Robert Best is a former managing editor of the Barbados Advocate

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